downside of loving a friend

First thing about loving your friend: it's never 'Love at first sight'. It's more about annoying and compromising in your differences.

My Friend is awesome. In so many ways, indescribable, and he makes my life so pleasant. And it is his flaws, I love more! We talk about all the unnecessary stuff, mock others and kid around a lot. Even, when we don't talk, I feel good in our silence. And he knows me more than the outer flakes. "the pathetic, depending, cynical me". For him, I am totally unromantic, as if I belong to anti-love group. Well, I have never seen him romantic either.

We are in our own relationships. Mine, a dead-end. His, more miserable, (as I say). He was in a relation with a girl, but dumped her, for another, whom he thought his 'true love'. Well, it’s funny! All he got so far is missed calls from her, so that he can call her! I do my preaching sessions in love now and then. So irritating, I know! But I couldn't help it either. It was loud and clear, she didn’t have interest in him. He thinks I am weird, but I don't want to see him get hurt again.
“A relationship sinks when you try too hard"

The irony part (as I say), I started loving him.. *not a big deal! Happens to lot many out there, right? Still I had to be supportive on his every love quest. And later on, when I tell "don't worry, you love her lot na, you would get her”; it was really hard for me.

And, finally, he decided to leave the hope in her. It seems she didn’t care for him much after all what he done for her. You might think, I would have rejoiced at this point, that I get the guy. Nah! I didn't even get time to think anything like that. He went back to the first girl, his 'safe love' (as he says). All I said was "ok, I hope you will be happy" And I didn’t understand why, but it didn’t work either. Not yet. May be sooner or later.

I could have told him, like "I love you..blah blah". But I didn’t want to ruin the friendship we had. And there was no room for me in his heart. He was busy moving going back and forth, with those girls. Still I hoped, may be he would realize, that I love him a lot and he would love me. Well, he tells the same line about his 'true love': “may be she would realise, that I am the ONE for her and love me too...dont you know how much I love her??"
Seriously, I didn't know what to say to this!

On one side, my hopes for love was crushing down and on the other side, I didn’t want to sabotage our friendship. So I guess, I went along.

And, by now, I know quite well, that he won't love me ever. My heart aches on it. And he knows well that I love him. Yet he tells me how much he loves his 'love'
"You can never force anyone to love you, it has to come naturally."

I feel like running away from him. May be we shouldn't have met, never been friends. Oh fuck it, I don’t know! I guess, I should not have expected much from him. Now, I don’t expect him to love me. And it gives me a relief. Yet, at times, when he says "I don’t know him". It hurts me... just hurts me! I loved him to my life. ‘I can't love you. Now is it like, I don’t know you either?!!"
I realised that, if it’s not me, there would be others for him. ._.

I want to leave him; I want to say 'fuck up' to myself, every time my mind says “I want you to love me".

May be, to be loved by someone you love is a fairy tale. And oh, I am very unlucky. I guess, fortune didn't bless me in love either!

And when I leave him, the hardest part would be, to share myself, my craziness, my imbecile thoughts to someone new... all from the start. -a long process- may be, fortune will bless me there! Anyway, it's a creepy thing, I tell you, (at least for me) to leave one love behind and to look for a new one...